


Derek Hale's Cleaning Ditties

by Onlymystory



Series: The Homicidal Household Werewolf [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dork!Wolf, M/M, Singing, That should totally be a tag, dancing!Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymystory/pseuds/Onlymystory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Stiles’ everlasting shock, Derek is not always homicidal about cleaning his loft.<br/>He’s not sure the singing and dancing is less frightening.<br/>The mopping song was Stiles’ favorite when he first heard it, all full of energy and loud. Except apparently the song is a pre-mopping ritual. The actual chore itself involves some sort of ballroom dance.<br/>This is what Stiles’ is watching now. He’s perched on the counter, watching Derek work. But before you think that Stiles doesn’t do his part, let him just clear that up. He very helpfully volunteered to polish the silver. For some reason, twerking on the kitchen table while doing it is disrespectful to flatware.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derek Hale's Cleaning Ditties

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t ask for an explanation because I cannot possibly give you one.

To Stiles’ everlasting shock, Derek is not always homicidal about cleaning his loft.

He’s not sure the singing and dancing is less frightening.

Stiles could possibly handle the singing. Derek’s mom taught him cleaning songs—which to Stiles reads as took a lot of lessons from Mary Poppins on how to trick your children into liking chores—and it was the tiniest bit nerve-wracking to walk into the loft one day and find Derek belting out an ode to scrubbing toilets.

He spends a lot of time laughing about it, though not so much near Derek anymore once he found out where the songs originated. But c’mon, an alpha werewolf singing while he cleans his apartment? Look, Stiles can freely admit he’s sometimes a horrible person.

Derek has a lot of songs too.

There’s the dusting one, which apparently is a teamwork inspiring song because Derek taught it to Isaac and Jackson and makes them follow him around the house, dusting any spots he missed and singing harmonies.

It’s okay. Stiles needed a moment to laugh at that too. He forgives you.

Derek doesn’t actually miss spots when he’s dusting—if you can’t do a job right, the first time, don’t bother doing it all, is what he usually snaps at his betas, hands on hips—but that doesn’t get them out of helping.

Stiles attempts sometimes to get Scott to join him in snickering (politely and away from Derek). It worked until Derek taught Scott his dishes song.

He’s pretty sure Scott’s been trying to change up the words so he can pretend he wrote a love song for Allison.

Plus now Scott just volunteers to do the dishes on pack nights and Stiles isn’t sure he wants to know what sort of things his best friend is whispering to the flatware.

The mopping song was Stiles’ favorite when he first heard it, all full of energy and loud. Except apparently the song is a pre-mopping ritual. The actual chore itself involves some sort of ballroom dance.

This is what Stiles’ is watching now. He’s perched on the counter, watching Derek work. Before you think that Stiles doesn’t do his part, let him just clear that up. He very helpfully volunteered to polish the silver. For some reason, twerking on the kitchen table while doing it is disrespectful to flatware.

Stiles didn’t exactly argue for a second chance.

So he’s watching Derek tango—oh, excuse him, waltz—around the kitchen with a mop and wondering if the fact that his pants are getting tight means he has a really strange kink.

But Derek also looks extra gorgeous, not to mention all long and limber when he spins, so Stiles possibly sprays water on the floor in random spots to make sure Derek keeps doing it.

He’s just being helpful.

A clean house means a happy boyfriend and a happy boyfriend means a satisfied Stiles, so really he’s just being supportive right now.

A final twirl swipes the mop over the last spot, moves Derek off the tiled floor and in front of Stiles.

“Are you just going to stay up there until the floor dries?”

Stiles shakes his head and tucks his spray bottle back in the cleaning bucket. “You look really hot when you do that.”

“Mop?”

“Dance.”

“I’ve got a few more moves.” Derek winks at Stiles.

Stiles flutters his eyelashes and fakes a swoon. “Darlin’, however will I resist your charms?”

Derek simultaneously rolls his eyes at Stiles and flashes a goofy grin, both of which just serve to make Stiles beam at him.

Cleaning obsession or not, he basically has the best boyfriend.

Derek walks towards the stairs.

“Wait!” Stiles stands up on the counter, shoes off of course because he knows the rules.

Derek turns back.

Stiles throws himself into the air at Derek, in a very poor attempt at being graceful. “Patrick Swayze me to the bedroom.”

Derek is a very satisfactory dance partner because he holds Stiles up in the air all the way upstairs, even when Stiles’ flails a bit through the doorway and accidentally kicks Derek in the back of the head.

It’s okay though.

Stiles is going to make it up to Derek with his Flashdance skills.

 

 

 

* * *

 

**To the tune of Following the Leader**

_“We’re gonna dust the house now, the house now, the house now_  
_We’re gonna dust the house now until the mites all go_  
_We won’t stop till it’s all done, it’s all done_  
_We won’t stop dusting till it’s done_  
_Cuz mama taught us so_

_Tee dum, tee dee_  
_A teedle ee do tee day_  
_Go with the grain,_  
_Your work won’t be in vain!_  
_Go against the flow,_  
_You won’t have much to show!_  
_With a dusting here,_  
_A dusting there we go!”_

**To the tune of Try a Little Tenderness**

_“When life gets weary,_  
_Try a little cleanliness._  
_The dishes are waiting_  
_Without complaining_  
_For a little soap, and a gentle caress._  
_So don’t leave them soaking._  
_Add a little bit of cleanliness.”_

**To the Tune of Shout!**

_“You know you make me wanna (mop!)_  
_Sweep the dirt up & (mop!)_  
_A sparkling floor needs a (mop!)_  
_Get your cleaning gear and (mop!)_  
_Come on now_  
_Don’t forget the elbow grease_  
_Don’t forget under the fridge, yeah_  
_yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”_

**To the Tune of It’s My Life**

_“It’s my house_  
_It’s oh so dirty_  
_I am gonna make it purty_  
_I just want to clean the germs away!_  
_It’s my house_  
_The dirt ain’t gonna go its own way_  
_Like Mama said_  
_I’ll clean it my way_  
_I just wanna clean it on my own_  
_It’s my home!”_

I drew this picture for all of you to illustrate this beautiful moment. As you can see, I am very talented.


End file.
